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Writer's pictureforsinglemoms

Purposeful Tradition for Our Families

Updated: Nov 16

By Sheila South

A The Kids & Me Contributor

 



Fiddler on the Roof, the humorous and time-tested musical set in 1905 Russia, features a rich scene with Tevye sharing his thoughts on ‘tradition’:

 


"A fiddler on the roof. Sounds crazy, no?

But in our little village of Anatevka,

you might say every one of us is a fiddler on the roof, trying to scratch out a pleasant,

simple tune without breaking his neck.

It isn't easy.

You may ask, why do we stay up there if it's so dangerous?

We stay because Anatevka is our home...

And how do we keep our balance?

That I can tell you in one word... Tradition."

 

"Because of our traditions, We've kept our balance for many, many years.

Here in Anatevka we have traditions for everything...

how to eat, how to sleep, even, how to wear clothes.

For instance, we always keep our heads covered

and always wear a little prayer shawl...

This shows our constant devotion to God.

You may ask, how did this tradition start?

I'll tell you - I don't know. But it's a tradition...

Because of our traditions,

Everyone knows who he is and what God expects him to do." *

 


 

So many meaty nuggets of thought in those lyrics: 


“traditions keep us balanced”


“because of our traditions, everyone knows who he is

and what God expects him to do”. 


I love that line “You may ask, how did this tradition start?  I'll tell you - I don't know. But it's a tradition...”  LOL! 


Is it not that way with most traditions?  We do many things because that’s the way we were taught to do them and that’s how our kids learn to do them do from us.  Because tradition is important to the rhythm of our lives, we often repeat these ‘traditions’ out of habit without necessarily considering the ‘why’ of what we do.


Reminds me of the joke about the woman who always cooks her roast in a certain roasting pan.  As she prepares the meat for the oven, she always cuts the roast in half before she salts and peppers it.  She places it in the pan with the lid and puts the pan in the oven.  Her little girl observes her doing this one day and asks, “Mom, why do you cut the roast in half before you put it in the pan?”  The mom stops to contemplate a moment and replies, “I don’t know. Grandma always did, so I did.  We can ask Grandma.”  So they do.  Grandma replies, “Well, my roasting pan tweren’t ever big enough for the whole roast.  So I cut it in half to fit it in the roaster.”  The mom just laughs.  All that time, she cut the roast in half when, in fact, her roasting pan was plenty big!  Tradition.  Do we know why we do what we do?


 

Raising children presents opportunity for examining our traditions.  Are we passing on meaningful tradition?  I think one of the most startling realizations I had for contemplating ‘tradition’ was when our children were old enough to go trick-or-treating at Halloween.  The custom I was taught growing up was to dress up in costume and go to neighbors’ houses touting the phrase ‘trick-or-treat’ to collect candy.  Then there was candy to eat for days and days.  Chocolate and lollipops and bubble gum.  What’s not to love?  But as an adult and as a mother (who inherited some sort of supernatural sixth sense-maternal instinct when our first child was born, like most mothers do), these practices began to appear differently to me. 



I researched the origins of the Halloween celebrations and found that they were rooted in pagan occult practices.  The focus of “All Halloweds’ Eve” on death, darkness, blood, skeletons, wounds, ghosts, evil spirits, the macabre, and SPIDERS really began to JUMP OUT at me!  The more I researched and really began to observe how people in our communities would decorate and celebrate, the more I became convicted that this was not something in which our children should participate.  We made a conscious decision that we would spend Oct 31 each year in a way that would glorify God, not death.  Did our children still dress up in costumes?  All the time, just not Oct 31.  Did our children still get plenty of candy?  Most every day had a least one sweet treat.  This wasn’t a matter of our kids ‘missing out’.  What I had discovered was that those Halloween traditions were indeed meaningful – but, was that the meaning that we wanted to invite into our lives?  Redirecting from Halloween was a crucial decision to steer our children away from evil and towards things that are of God:


Whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.  ~Philippians 4:8-9

Notice the promise there in Philippians 'THESE THINGS' do, 'and the God of peace will be with you'. We can't bring scary things to our kids and expect them not to be sacred, can we?




 

My second jarring realization was the tradition of Santa Claus.  Folks, I have -and did have then- two loving Christian parents who would never intentionally lead me astray.  We are all human and we often fall back to what we were taught in our own youth.  But let us commit to ourselves and to our children to be deeply thoughtful and purposeful about what we pass on.  This is what I contemplate about Santa Claus from a grown-up, “mom” perspective: 

 


1)    The myth of Santa Claus is an accepted, community-wide, intentional deception to children because adults present the story to children as truth. There really was a St. Nick, but that's not the story we are telling.

 

2)    The myth of Santa Claus portrays him with the godlike characteristics of having omnipresence ( being everywhere at once as he delivers presents to every child on earth on Christmas Eve), having omniscience (knowing all things about all people  “ ‘cause you better watch out, you better not pout, you better not cry…he sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake…”), having omnipotence (being all powerful ‘cause he flies those reindeer), having holiness (being all good and the giver of all things good), having a spirit quality (squishing to go up and down the chimneys), and residing in the heavens (or a magical, mystical place called the North Pole!)

 

3)    The myth of Santa Claus mirrors the real-life, soul-saving characteristics of our God.  So when a child becomes of age and finds out that ‘Santa isn’t real’, does he also at that point question what he has been taught all his life about God?



If you see the truth of this reasoning and the problem with perpetuating Santa with your children in a Christian home, but in the past you have fallen for the trap of tradition for tradition's sake, no need to fret.  You do your best until you know better. And then you do better.  Search your heart and what the scriptures tell you. You can always approach your children in humility and explain to them your new understanding.


 

Carefully choosing our traditions is not just about removing negative customs or practices; we need to intentionally insert positive and uplifting tradition into our children’s lives.  Rather than Halloween, we can focus our fall-time celebrations on the goodness of God’s provision and his mighty creative ability in designing the universe and making the seasons:

 

22 While the earth remaineth, seedtime and harvest, and cold and heat, and summer and winter, and day and night shall not cease.  ~Genesis 8:22

 

At Christmas, we don’t need Santa Claus to bring excitement for our children.  The true celebration of Christmas is about God loving us so much that He sent His only begotten Son that whosoever should believe in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)  The fact that God, Emmanuel, would come to this earth in fleshly form so that He could experience all things in likeness with us is indeed WORTHY OF CELEBRATION!

 

14 Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. 15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. 16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. ~Hebrews 4:14-16

 

As we enter this season of much celebration and tradition, let us be mindful of what we are teaching our children through our actions and celebrations....and what we are not teaching them.  Let us choose intentionally the meaningful customs which they will fondly exercise and replicate with their own children and their children for many years hereafter. Let us remember what Tevya said about traditions:


“traditions keep us balanced”


“because of our traditions, everyone knows who he is

and what God expects him to do”. 


___________________




*From Bock, Jerry. Fiddler on the Roof. "Tradition" lyrics by Harnick, Sheldon. 1964. YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRdfX7ut8gw&ab_channel=guru006

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